


Even Heroes Need a Reason

by ambitiousbutrubbish



Series: Maybe You'll See Me on the Evening News (With a Bag Over My Head) [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eren is like hero-worship to the max, Established Relationship, I'm sorry man but old dudes in love is my jam, M/M, it's cute honey but it isn't going anywhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-07
Updated: 2014-04-07
Packaged: 2018-01-18 12:19:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1428220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambitiousbutrubbish/pseuds/ambitiousbutrubbish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remarkable. That’s the word Eren would use. Captain Levi is remarkable.</p><p>Captain Levi is hope. </p><p>Captain Levi worries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even Heroes Need a Reason

**Author's Note:**

> Can I just preface here by saying that this is the first anime I’ve watched since Pokémon (unless you consider Avatar an anime) for various reasons, but my friends were teasing me with it like “ruthlessly competent boys who are gruff and calm in the face of danger and only trust each other and also are definitely in love” and I was like “nooooo that is my greatest weakness” and then this happened because they were totally right.

Remarkable. That’s the word Eren would use. Captain Levi is remarkable. Well, it’s a word he would use. Everything that is Captain Levi can not be summed up in just one word. He’s dedicated and loyal and trustworthy and faster than should be humanly possible. He’s smart, and underneath all that standoffishness and crudeness, he has a good heart. But remarkable is a good word, anyway.

Eren likes to watch him when he and Commander Erwin come to observe the Survey Corps practice. He always stands close to the Commander and to his right, as if he can become the embodiment of the arm he lost, and that’s what Eren likes most about Captain Levi.

Because he could easily step up and take the role of Commander. He probably should. He is, after all, humanity’s strongest, the weapon they have wielded against the Titans for so long. And Commander Erwin lost his arm. He can’t go out and fight, he can’t lead his men into battle, and Captain Levi can. Captain Levi is hope. 

But he doesn’t. He sticks by the Commander and he protects him as well as he protects humanity and Eren admires that loyalty. He only hopes that he can be more like Captain Levi one day.

And he knows that when he gets true control over his Titan form, when he can march against the enemy and leave them crushed and defeated in his wake, when he kills all the Titans and frees humanity from the walls, then Captain Levi will look at him and tell him that he’s done a good job. That he’s proud of him. Eren lives for that moment.

He knows it because of the way that Captain Levi hesitates as Commander Erwin turns to inspect the next group of soldiers. Because of the way that Captain Levi gives the members of his squad one last scan before leaving. The way his eyes pass over Mikasa, even when no one can stand up against her, and settle for a moment on Eren, before he follows after the Commander.

Eren knows what that means.

\--------------------

Levi learned to drink tea silently for these moments. When he lived on the streets, he’d only been silent when walking. He’s smaller than average, and so he’d needed to be larger than life, make his presence be not only noticed, but felt. Every action had been with a practiced heaviness, and he’d allowed sound to fill up the empty spaces that his physical body couldn’t. There had been no ignoring Levi when he sat across from you in a bar, and when he came at you with a knife in an alley you would not have known you had to listen for him until it was too late. 

But tea is a silent drink, now. Tea is sitting in Erwin’s office, slightly behind and to the right, and listening to the Commander’s pen as he writes out reports or plans missions. Nothing but pen scratching on paper and the light huff of breath. Of course, the pen is louder now that Erwin must write with his non-dominant hand and presses harder and more deliberately to compensate. Levi sips his tea even quieter. That sound reminds him that Erwin is still alive.

Levi speaks. “I don’t think you should be around Eren so much.” 

Erwin continues writing his report as if he hasn’t heard him, but Levi sees the way that the stump that was once Erwin’s right arm twitches slightly. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, Erwin is impossible to read, but Levi knows that he now has nerves that finish where they shouldn’t and Erwin can’t control what happens to them as much as he’d like to. 

Levi doesn’t appreciate the newfound ease with which he can read his Commander; he enjoys a challenge and he would prefer not to know when Erwin isn’t telling him the whole truth, doesn’t want to know everything that goes on in that head, so he mostly keeps his eyes away from the stump. But he needs to know that Erwin is listening. He continues.

“He has very little discipline or self-control, and you’re too old and unbalanced to even get up in the morning. You won’t be able to evade him if he loses control because your balance is all off, and I have things to do other than save your sorry arse.”

Erwin’s writing doesn’t slow down, but he does reply. “Even the most unruly soldiers can be taught discipline. You learned, eventually.”

Levi sighs as he stands, and while he aims for frustrated, it only sounds sad. “That’s because I found someone to fight for.”

He comes up behind Erwin and hooks his chin over his right shoulder. It’s a position he’s been in hundreds of times before. Erwin’s shoulders are as broad as ever. He radiates body heat in the same way he always does, that way that keeps Levi up on warm nights because it’s almost too hot to share a bed with him. He has the same deep, steadying breaths that Levi finds himself matching without conscious thought. The muscles in his arms and back still twitch at he writes, but they’re on the wrong side. Levi can’t just reach down from his position anymore and rest his hand on Erwin’s arm. He can’t stop his Commander from writing with a touch when he knows that Erwin is overworking himself. He can’t make Erwin take a break without using his words anymore, because Levi has always been on Erwin’s right hand side, and he’s still struggling to adjust to the idea that Erwin is no longer whole, is completely and utterly mortal. He worries that if he changes any of his patterns then Erwin will just disappear, will never have actually come back from beyond the walls with that mostly useless brat in tow, who had almost cost humanity everything. 

So now Levi rests his hand on the stump at Erwin’s right. He can feel the frayed edges of one of the bandages and rubs it between his fingers. He’s going to have to change them again soon. They have to be perfect.

“I couldn’t do this without you.”

“You would have to.” Erwin doesn’t look over. He doesn’t even look up from his report. It’s a request for funding, it always is when he’s not filing deaths. But he does stop writing and put down his pen. 

They stay like that for some time, pressed together and breathing in tandem, everything else put on hold for later. Eventually Levi shifts, pressing his lips to Erwin’s shoulder before straightening up. “I’m going to bed. If you’re going to be late, keep your helpless thumping to a minimum” and he slips out to the next room. 

Erwin sits for a bit longer. He can feel every part of him were Levi was resting. He can even imagine Levi touching his phantom arm, rescuing him from his thoughts, from the way that others think of him. He wonders if Levi even knows how much he does for him, the way he stops him from doubting, because if Levi trusts him then everything is alright.

When Erwin does make his way to bed, Levi has waited up for him. They don’t say anything as Erwin lowers himself down and then wraps his arm around Levi’s waist, pulling him close, until he can feel all of Levi against him.

“Go to sleep” Levi mutters into his chest. Erwin presses is face into Levi’s hair in response. 

“Goodnight.”

**Author's Note:**

> I realise that at the end there it seems like there’s a little bit of Eren hate and I promise that it isn’t. I love Eren. I want to bundle him up in a big hug and just be like “take a chill pill kidlet, take a breather and work out your anger issues”. And by the by, I think Levi would be a horrible Commander - he wouldn’t make the calls that need to be made, he would hesitate too long in deciding to let people die without a direct order.
> 
> Also, Levi says ‘arse’ because they’re speaking Japanese and I can translate however I want to sooth my delicate Australian sensibilities.


End file.
